A follower tracked me around the country | Paul Harris

Paul Harris  00:00

I'd love to give her a hug,

Holly Newson  00:01

yeah,

Paul Harris  00:01

and just say thank you. Probably tell her that I don't know if you realize how powerful that interaction was, and it probably was nothing to you because you've probably always been this way. But it changed my life.

Holly Newson  00:14

Hey, I'm Holly, and I am so glad you're here. This is Kind, a show about the times people received an act of kindness, and how that changed things. In this episode, you'll hear how saving yourself can be a kind act to 1000s of others. By the way, there are people out there going through the same stuff as you. Right, let me introduce you to someone. You're about to hear from Paul Harris, aka the Warrior Walker, who walked the UK coastline twice. He advocates for mental health resilience and has written a book called The Warrior Walker. Paul, welcome.

Paul Harris  00:54

Hi, it's good to be here.

Holly Newson  00:56

It's really nice to have you. So, to kick off with, what does being kind mean to you? What does what does kindness mean to you?

Paul Harris  01:06

That's a good question. There's so many layers to that, but for me, it's just to leave someone with a good feeling. You know, and also, you know, with yourself because life's tough, right? So yeah, everyone always talks about you know be kind to yourself, and it's really hard to do that when you're struggling, but it's one of those practices that maybe more people need to try.

Holly Newson  01:27

Yeah, yeah. What do you think of that as a phrase, the "be kind to yourself" phrase? Because I've heard like mixed feelings about it.

Paul Harris  01:33

Yeah, I feel I think it's an honest one and a good one. You know, and it is so hard to do. And as humans, we're very good at giving advice to other people, but we often don't heed our own advice.

Holly Newson  01:47

Yeah,

Paul Harris  01:47

and it is so hard. I feel like life at the moment is crazy for everyone, and everyone's fighting battles and and internally, mentally.

Holly Newson  01:54

Yeah,

Paul Harris  01:54

but also what you see, and you know, if we can strip that back and be kind to ourselves, it is, I think, an important thing to try and learn to do.

Holly Newson  02:02

Yeah,

Paul Harris  02:03

you know, because right at the end of the day, when you put your head on the pillow, or when you're going for a walk, or when you're in a tough situation, or you leave a meeting that didn't go your way, or you've met somewhere that didn't go your way, you know, just to be kind and kind of move on from that with kindness is is hard, but but really a necessary skill to have because it is a skill.

Holly Newson  02:21

Yeah, exactly.

Paul Harris  02:22

I think it is something that is learned, trained, and the more you do it, the easier it is.

Holly Newson  02:27

Yeah. Is there any like phrase or anything that you say to yourself like when you catch yourself being unkind to yourself?

Paul Harris  02:34

It's funny because I called myself the Warrior Walker, right? And the reason I did that is because I wasn't talking to myself in a good way at all, and if people spoke to me the way I spoke to myself, they wouldn't be my friend. I wouldn't listen to them. I cut them out like that.

Holly Newson  02:50

Yeah,

Paul Harris  02:51

you know. But yeah, the Warrior Walker. I don't know if I read it, dreamt it, or saw it somewhere. I don't know to this day. I still I've always thought, how did I come up with this? But it basically is a quote, and it is: be careful what you say to yourself, because the warrior within you is lessened by it. You know, it's a really hard skill to learn and to do, and I slip up a lot.

Holly Newson  03:14

Yeah.

Paul Harris  03:14

But at the end of the day, I always try to be as kind as I can to myself, and oftentimes it's other people that are kind to me that makes me then kind to myself. You know.

Holly Newson  03:23

Yeah, so true. So each time a guest comes on this show, I ask them to have a think about three times people have done something kind for them. Yeah. So this first story of kindness. Yeah. Before you tell me what it is, would you tell me what was going on in your life at the time and how you were feeling at the time?

Paul Harris  03:40

Yeah, I actually just started a walk, and I was in a really low spot mentally for many months. I don't know, many years maybe. In a nutshell, I was in the Marines. I worked in Afghanistan. I've been living abroad in Thailand for seven years, and I came home with no notice. Really, one week's notice, my visa finished out there. I was teaching. I was living my best life. I was loving it. I mean, it's Asia. It's great. And a week later, I found myself in in Dorset, in Bournemouth, selling insurance in a call center, living with my dad, who I don't really get on with. And that led to many months of just talking really badly to myself, really, really low, and it seems odd when I tell this story because I look at that person as someone completely different to who I am now. So I'm kind of proud of that guy, but I got a message. I was walking. It was COVID. I was walking on the Dorset coast from Bournemouth Coastal Path, Jurassic Coast, and one of those days, a friend, Rory, sent me a message and just said, "Bro, you need to walk around the UK and write a book about it. Three weeks from that message, I left, had a bag on my back, and left it all behind with 300 pound in my back pocket. Set up an Instagram, the Warrior Walker, and. Thought I'd give it a go.

Holly Newson  05:01

Yeah,

Paul Harris  05:01

I thought it would take a year. I was to and fro with my own mind. You know, what about money? What about a job? What about a career, house, partner, love? You know, oh my God, am I going to miss those things if I do this? And you know, I kind of threw caution to the wind and thought, well, I haven't got anything else to lose.

Holly Newson  05:18

So, did it feel like when you got back from Thailand and couldn't return, did you feel like you'd lost everything?

Paul Harris  05:24

Yeah, I lost my identity. I feel, and COVID then happened, so you know we were all cut off. We all have our kind of COVID story, and mine was just not great. And I feel like many people's wasn't that great. And but yeah, I just left because I didn't know what else to do, and I started having the conversations with myself where I thought I don't want to be here anymore, and they're really dark conversations to have. And that message came through at the right time, and I grabbed it. Yeah, it made me feel good. It made me feel excited. It made me feel like there was an adventure to be had. And as a human, and as a man, and as an ex-marine, I thought, oh my god, this is me, like this is what I need to do. So, yeah, I decided to give it a go, and I remember the the final thing was I was watching a news report, and the weatherman was on the TV, and he was giving the weather report, and then it went out to the whole of the UK, right? So I'm looking at it, thinking, oh, it's not that big, you know, because it's scale. I honestly was like, "Yeah, it's not that big, and naively, and thankfully naively, because if I really knew what was to come, I wouldn't have left. But as humans, as as everyone has a story, right? Everyone's got a kind of moment or many moments that slide in door moment where you kind of look back on your life, and I guarantee, if you think about it, if people that listen to this, there'll be a number of moments where they think, "Ah, that was me when I should have asked that guy out. I should have gone for that job. I should have traveled to that country. And for whatever reason, you didn't. And the longer you left it, the easier it is to listen to the outside noise of what about money, what about career. You start freaking yourself out. Yeah. And as humans, we do that a lot to each other. Like, oh, you can't possibly do that, even though you want to go for it. And I just didn't have anything else to lose, so I thought I'm gonna just go for it. And two days later, I'm walking.

Holly Newson  07:09

Yeah,

Paul Harris  07:10

I didn't think anyone was going to be interested. You know, I was going for a walk. Walking is not really deemed as being that cool, you know. And it was quite a big adventure to have.

Holly Newson  07:19

Yeah,

Paul Harris  07:20

and I, at the time, we were in COVID, so I took a risk in itself doing that.

Holly Newson  07:24

Yeah.

Paul Harris  07:24

But I decided just not to listen to the noise. You know, I found that there was more people in Sainsbury's and Tesco's than any other supermarket than there was on the path. You know, I thought, well, I'll see cows and sheep more than I would people.

Holly Newson  07:37

Yeah.

Paul Harris  07:38

And again, I just thought, well, I need this. I'm going to go for a walk, but I just didn't think anyone would care. And then straight away they did, which threw me off.

Holly Newson  07:48

Yeah.

Paul Harris  07:48

And I remember probably the second day in, I'm walking, and I decided that I've got to help myself. I've got to help myself, and I never used to speak about my feelings. I'd never be able to do this.

Holly Newson  08:02

Yeah,

Paul Harris  08:02

I'd never be able to stand up in front of one person, two, 300 people, let alone write a book, let alone do any of this. It would freak me out. I wouldn't do it, and I just wouldn't talk to anyone, let alone discuss my feelings. And as a man, that's we're not really good good at doing that. So I'm walking, and I see this lady in the distance, and I decided, I think quickly as soon as I started walking, that I needed to speak to speak to people.

Holly Newson  08:26

Yeah,

Paul Harris  08:26

you know, so if I had my earpods in listening to music, I take them out. If I walk past someone, I have to say, "Hey, how are you? That is how it all started. Just because I needed that community and the connection, and I was struggling straight away, physically, mentally, and all those things. And yeah, this-I just saw this this old lady, and I can't even remember her name. And I'm two days in, on the Dorset coast, just past Lulworth somewhere, and she stood on like this mound, this hill, and there's a dog, and I love dogs. And I just remember going up to her, and she turned around and saw me, and we have a conversation and asked me what I was doing because I had this massive bag on my back, and I just remember crying. You know, I was fully crying, like it was snot the whole thing, like, and I felt embarrassed about that. And I said to this lady, like, because she asked me what I was doing and why. And I think I gave her a 30-minute version, you know, because I just didn't know minutes and minutes are just me talking and crying. And I just remember saying, like, I'm sorry, I'm crying. Like, it's embarrassing. She's like, it's not at all. You know, it's absolutely not at all. You should be proud of yourself for for doing something like this. And I did not feel proud about myself.

Holly Newson  09:47

Yeah.

Paul Harris  09:48

So hearing a stranger say that I should be proud of myself and that she was proud of what I was doing, it just hit different. You know.

Holly Newson  09:56

Yeah.

Paul Harris  09:56

And it made me smile, and and now makes me smile way. Than it did, it was just this chance meeting, you know. And then I had many, many of them. But yeah, I just remember her like going to shake my hand because it was COVID, right? But also, I wasn't a hugger straight off the bat. And I just remember she just shook my hand, and then there was a there's money in her hand, and she she give it to me, and it was a 10 pound note, and I, you know, tried again. What? And I grew up in a really awful environment, really, in my childhood, right? And in my teens, and and you know, someone giving me 10 pound in my head at the time was like, okay, if you give me that and I take it, what do you want from me?

Holly Newson  10:38

Right.

Paul Harris  10:38

You know, there was this expectation of like, if you do something for me, there's an ulterior motive, and I quickly learned that that's not true. And then some people give me the 10 pound, and I took the 10 pound. It's like this invisible transaction of kindness, right? She helps me, and I'm helping her in some way, and I just never knew that was a thing, and I quickly got to know it was, but she said you should be proud of yourself. There's 10 pounds when you get to the next place. Get yourself some coffee and cake, and you can do this.

Holly Newson  11:10

Yeah.

Paul Harris  11:11

And I just cried, left with like a a bounce in my step, and that was the the first day of many, many, many.

Holly Newson  11:20

Yeah.

Paul Harris  11:21

Yeah.

Holly Newson  11:22

Did it feel surprising to have a chance meeting like that? The reason I ask that is, it almost it just feels so much like what you needed in that moment.

Paul Harris  11:34

I was so in my head, and I was on the path, and the you'll have to buy the book, right? People have to buy the book, right? But the first night I met a stag, as you do, and the second day I meet this lady, and it's just I don't. I always struggle with, I think my life, but with with religion, with the conversation of Jesus and God and faith, right? And I feel like that woman is probably the closest I would have got to, like an angel. You know,

Holly Newson  12:08

yeah,

Paul Harris  12:08

like someone that was put there at that time.

Holly Newson  12:11

Yeah,

Paul Harris  12:11

to just give me a nudge.

Holly Newson  12:14

Yeah,

Paul Harris  12:14

I don't know her name. I've I've never heard from her again.

Holly Newson  12:16

Yeah,

Paul Harris  12:17

and that's another thing about kindness. People are out there, and you can be kind to that one person, or more, and they don't need to know your name.

Holly Newson  12:25

Yeah,

Paul Harris  12:26

and they don't need an Instagram picture, and they don't need a post. It's nice if you do that sometimes, but oftentimes it's a transaction between you and another person and a stranger, and you just leave it feeling good.

Holly Newson  12:38

Yeah,

Paul Harris  12:39

and that's okay. And I like those ones.

Holly Newson  12:41

So, what impact do you think that had on you? Maybe for the rest of you know that year, but then also

Paul Harris  12:47

I feel like the rest of my life.

Holly Newson  12:49

Yeah, I was going to say, and then also, what do you think it changed in you?

Paul Harris  12:54

It made me, you know, the the old lady was so interested in me, you know, and what I was doing, and where I'd come from, and what I'd done, and it showed me that, you know, before that walk, I wouldn't open up to anyone, and now I'm the person that's like, no, no, hold on a minute, you know, because it was deemed to be brave if you just dust your shoulders off, and you just carry on, you know, just keep calm and carry on. Keep quiet and carry on. This is just life, and it is just life. But it's also a lot easier when you talk about it.

Holly Newson  13:28

Yeah,

Paul Harris  13:29

and it helps you. It helped me, and I look back on that interaction with that lady on god, I can remember the date, man. It was like July the 21st, 2020.

Holly Newson  13:43

Yeah,

Paul Harris  13:44

you know, and I honestly I forgot about it. Never imagined it would come back to me again. Writing the book, I had to really think about things, and I thought, oh my god, that lady. You know, oh, oh my, oh, I need to talk about that. And it was then that I then kind of traced myself backwards, and thought, oh, this that was a really powerful, prominent moment, and it all stemmed from someone listening to me telling me some really positive things about myself that I did not believe, but they just saw what was in front of them. They didn't, and that's why I say to people, it's actually easier to tell strangers how you feel because they just see what they see. They don't have a kind of knowledge of your past. People bad.

Holly Newson  14:23

There's no backstory.

Paul Harris  14:24

Backstory. They just see what's in front of them.

Holly Newson  14:26

Yeah.

Paul Harris  14:26

The energy of you, who you are. People can tell from looking in your eyes how you are. They can just tell, and I like that. And it is easier to tell a stranger your deepest, darkest fears, what you're really going through. And I did that all the way around. Yeah. And a lot of people did that to me, and it's we, you know, we're in a podcast, we have social media, we're in our phones. You walk around London,

Holly Newson  14:49

yeah,

Paul Harris  14:49

eight out of 10 people are in their phones. We're in a rush, you know. It's just a condition that we have now. I do it. I'm, I'm, I'm all of a sudden look, I'm, I'm going on Instagram 10 minutes. What you know, and it's kind of like we need to put them down and be in the moment and be present.

Holly Newson  15:06

Yeah,

Paul Harris  15:07

because I think that's where kindness starts.

Holly Newson  15:09

Yeah, there's a joy in it. Yeah, I was recently in Ireland and I didn't really know anyone who I was gonna be staying with or hanging out with, and yeah, some of those conversations that I had, they would be like, I'd sit down with someone, and you know, you vibe better with some people than others. But there were some people I sat down with, and you know, we just end up talking for like half an hour, 45 minutes, until someone goes like, "Oh, you're needed over there or something, and it's like, "Oh my God, thank you for this amazing conversation,

Paul Harris  15:40

and you feel good, and you leave with like a bounce, and you think that's really good, and you forget your phone.

Holly Newson  15:45

Yeah,

Paul Harris  15:45

that's so good, you know. So I've, I've got, I can't, I could talk for for the rest of my life, and hopefully, I probably will about you know how kind people are and how far kindness can get you, and

Holly Newson  15:57

yeah,

Paul Harris  15:57

we're we're not here for long, right? Yeah, like a we're a full stop in a sentence, you know. It's it's it's nothing. It's so small.

Holly Newson  16:03

Yeah.

Paul Harris  16:04

And people, we I feel like we need people need it now.

Holly Newson  16:07

Yeah.

Paul Harris  16:07

We do. We're lacking it. Everything around us is going a bit wild and a bit crazy, and it's a bit doomsday-like. You know. And and again, you pick your phone up, and you can be in Gaza. You pick your phone up. You can be in America. You pick your phone up and you just take on all this stuff that you're not meant to see, and we know it goes on. And then you see it because the algorithm and how they do it feeds into what you say and what you watch and what you like. How can we, as humans, take on that burden? You know, you'll wake up and you'll look in a war zone. I went to them war zones, but I was trained at the time, and I went there, and it's still quite hard to to think about to get through. And now you've got teenagers, young people, any age, in a war zone by looking at their phone, you know. And it's a really tough environment, but obviously big tech thrives on that. And this is how I met you on Instagram, and how I met people in my on my walk and it's how I got a book deal, so it's a there's a really big plus side, but I feel like we we have a lot on our shoulders at the moment.

Holly Newson  17:11

Yeah,

Paul Harris  17:12

and kindness, you know, people say love always wins, and it does, but I think kindness wins more.

Holly Newson  17:17

Yeah, I agree

Paul Harris  17:18

because love takes a lot of time.

Holly Newson  17:19

Yes,

Paul Harris  17:21

you know you can be kind to someone just down the road today.

Holly Newson  17:24

Yeah,

Paul Harris  17:24

you can go out this afternoon wherever you live, and just be kind for one minute, and that can I I I say hey how are you right, and what happens when you are kind is I I'd have messages weeks later from people saying you know that day when you were really nice to me and you took that time to listen to me, and you left me really good vibes. I was actually really struggling at that time, and you made me have faith that you know it's going to be okay.

Holly Newson  17:48

Yeah.

Paul Harris  17:49

So, you know, intentionally be kind. You know, sometimes we have the intentions to do things to for our own gain, but there's no loser in that.

Holly Newson  17:59

Yeah.

Paul Harris  18:00

You win, they win, we all win.

Holly Newson  18:02

Yeah,

Paul Harris  18:02

and I just feel like if a lot of people in the in politicians and and people that need to be the manosphere or whatever man, you know, if you went in there with kindness and not to make as much money as you can out of somebody or a situation,

Holly Newson  18:14

yeah,

Paul Harris  18:15

we'll be good.

Holly Newson  18:15

Yeah,

Paul Harris  18:16

yeah.

Holly Newson  18:17

And so if you could say something to that woman that you met, now what would you say to her?

Paul Harris  18:23

I'd love to give her a hug,

Holly Newson  18:24

yeah,

Paul Harris  18:25

and just say thank you. You know, I don't. I'd probably tell her that I don't know if you realize how powerful that interaction was, and it probably was nothing to you because you've probably always been this way, but it changed my life.

Holly Newson  18:42

Can you tell me about a time that someone did something kind for you?

Denise  18:46

I can tell you about one person that's really prominent in my life. Yeah, I've known her since I was in my 20s. I mean, I'm much further along in my life than that now, and she's she's about three, four years older than me. She has been mentoring me for over 25 years. She's a professional. She's really my go-to person.

Holly Newson  19:12

What sort of things has she helped you with along the way?

Denise  19:14

I was in university in 2019, and as you know, COVID hit, and I was doing a degree in international hotel management. I'd been a hotel manager for many, many years before, but I just wanted the degree to elevate me. So when I say she's a professional, she's actually an accountant. So my course had accounting attached to it, and I thought, who am I going to get to help me with it? At the time, I was just so nervous I couldn't even think about her actually. And I thought, oh yes, I know who to go to. And she said to me that she will help me, but she's not going to give me any answers.

Holly Newson  19:53

I love it. It's just the right level of tough love.

Denise  19:57

Yeah, she said, I'll go through it with you, but you have to answer every single question yourself. I will tell you whether you're going right or wrong, but I'm not going to give you the final answer. That's something you have to work out yourself. Otherwise, you'll never learn.

Holly Newson  20:10

Yeah,

Denise  20:12

and it was good advice. I mean, she worked long hours. She worked on like eight in the morning until seven at night for her job, and she actually gave up her evenings for me and mentored me right through the whole process of accounting, which was wonderful. We were both exhausted by the end of my exams, but needless to say, I took several exams, and all of them were way over the pass mark.

Holly Newson  20:40

Well done.

Denise  20:41

So yeah, I was really pleased. But the first person I thanked was her. She actually came to my graduation as well because during COVID you could only bring two people. So I chose her and my husband, and to come to the graduation. She was absolutely chuffed about that, and I was really, you know, grateful that she could come as well. So, she is she's more than a friend. She's more like family now.

Holly Newson  21:08

That is so beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing that. What's your name,

Denise  21:13

Denise.

Holly Newson  21:14

Denise. Thank you so much, and so lovely to meet you.

Denise  21:16

Thank you.

Holly Newson  21:25

So, moving on to your second story of kindness. Tell me what happened.

Paul Harris  21:31

So, obviously now I'm walking, and it turns out a lot of people are interested, and walking is quite cool, right? So,

Holly Newson  21:40

Walking is cool!

Paul Harris  21:41

I always say that I want to be the person that makes walking cool. You know, if you think of adventures, most people would go to like Bear Grylls. If you think of football, it's Ronaldo. If you think of I don't know singing, it's Olivia Dean, right at the moment. Yeah, and they all should be there.

Holly Newson  21:55

Yeah,

Paul Harris  21:56

but there isn't anyone that you think of like walking. You know, I'd love to be like sponsored athlete walking,

Holly Newson  22:02

yeah,

Paul Harris  22:02

because it's hard to do it for so long. But yeah, I'm hundreds of kilometers in at this point. My Instagram's going a bit crazy, and I'm just receiving all these amazing messages from people. You know, telling me how proud they are, how great it is, what I'm doing is amazing, how much they miss the outdoors, how much they can't wait to go to these places that I was posting about, and I remember I got a message from someone who was a teacher in a place called Newport in South Wales, and they asked me to pop in and do a talk, and I was like, "Yeah, I'd love to do that. That's so cool, you know. Because for me, the money of this walk is-you know-I'd like to make a lot of money from selling the book, right? So that I can do more adventures and inspire more people, right? But for me, the invisible currency is the the impact you can have on people in a good way.

Holly Newson  22:51

Yeah.

Paul Harris  22:52

So I was absolutely like, yeah, let's go. I'd love to listen to someone like me if I was a kid. I arrange a call with Julia, the teacher, to just get the finer details of how long, where it is, what I'm going to do, and she just tells me that the kids have been loving my journey and they've been watching the map. And as it's been updated, they've been really getting invested in it. And I'm like, that's so cool. And then really quickly, I think, sorry, what? What map? What are you talking about? She's like, your website. I haven't got one. You have. Like what? So I then, before going into the school, check the website, and it turns out that someone's built me a website, a fully fledged www. the warrior walker.co.uk website. I look at it, something. Oh, I need to find this out. Like, what have they been saying?

Holly Newson  23:41

Yeah, I was going to say at first you must be like, "Err, What?

Paul Harris  23:44

You know, it was amazing. It was so professional, so slick. So I go into my phone, check all these messages because there's so many, and I come across a man called Brad. We've been conversating loosely, just you know, when you you do the podcast, anyone in their life, you put a story up. People will message you, and you'll just quickly reply back. Yeah, I was getting quite a lot of those messages, and I loved it and love it. But at the time, I was just like, I need to focus. I need to get round because it does take a lot of your energy, and I barely had enough to tie my shoes. Right, so I'm just like, right. But this happens. I'm thinking, and I talked with Brad. I'm a mate. That website is so good. I didn't even know. I think I'm voicing it, and I didn't even know, man. Like, what? And he said that I didn't have enough money to donate. But what I do is I build websites. I was in a really tough spot in my life, and I wanted to end my life, so I started watching your Instagram, and it made me feel like there was maybe some hope. And all you kept doing annoyingly was talking about going for a bloody walk. So I went for a bloody walk, and I started to feel good. And now I don't feel like that. So as a thank you, I built your website, you know, and I still have that website.

Holly Newson  25:06

Yeah,

Paul Harris  25:06

I still update it. Brad does. And I haven't actually met him in real life yet.

Holly Newson  25:12

Yeah, wow.

Paul Harris  25:13

So this is like 2020/2021.

Holly Newson  25:15

Yeah,

Paul Harris  25:16

I haven't met him yet in real life.

Holly Newson  25:17

Yeah,

Paul Harris  25:18

and it turns out the UK is quite big, and everyone lives a life.

Holly Newson  25:23

I mean, you've walked it, yeah, twice,

Paul Harris  25:26

twice,and I look forward to that day.

Holly Newson  25:28

Yeah,

Paul Harris  25:29

you know, I, I, we message when we can,

Holly Newson  25:32

yeah,

Paul Harris  25:32

and I stay in touch, and I'll always forever tell that story. But what a man!

Holly Newson  25:37

And so he made you a map that literally like tracked...?

Paul Harris  25:40

So I've got the Garmin.

Holly Newson  25:41

Okay.

Paul Harris  25:42

So what would happen then is at the time the first lap I didn't have the Garmin.

Holly Newson  25:46

Yeah.

Paul Harris  25:46

So we'd just check in. Where'd you get to, mate? I'll be okay. I got here. I did this. I did that. And he would literally go into the back office of the website and he would track it and join it all up and do all the things and any media I did, he'd update it. He'd put my Instagram posts on there, and there was this like buy me a coffee thing, so people would buy me coffees, and it was just mad. And the admin of it, and he still updates it now.

Holly Newson  26:09

Yeah,

Paul Harris  26:10

you know, and it's never there's never been a conversation about money. You know, I'm very thankful for Brad. I tell him all the time.

Holly Newson  26:17

Yeah,

Paul Harris  26:18

and vice versa. And it's just human humans can do things for other people and themselves without thinking about money, and it doesn't. There's no amount of money that could give that I could give him, and vice versa, that would have helped me as much as he did with the website, and and I guess how I was and what I speak about with him.

Holly Newson  26:38

Yeah,

Paul Harris  26:39

yeah.

Holly Newson  26:39

And what did it mean to you? I'm sure he's not the only person that told you this. To hear that people in such a painful place mentally, wanting to potentially end their own lives, have had that altered by what you've done.

Paul Harris  26:59

I mean, yeah. I did two laps, right?

Holly Newson  27:02

Yeah,

Paul Harris  27:03

which is crazy. It took me four years. I went both ways round, and I now, I think what happened is the first lap. It's crazy. I speak about that many miles in laps, but the first lap, I think I needed inspiring. You know, I really needed something. Yeah, I didn't know what it was, where it would come from, and if you'd have told me that when you set off, this is what's going to happen, to like four or five years later being a podcast with you talking about it, I'd have been like, no way, you know, I could barely get through the day at the time. So I think the first lap was like a preseason, and I needed inspiring, and the second lap, I set off, set up, just give in, did it for charity because I was the person that inspired people, and both of those laps-the first one needing to be inspired was amazing, you know, and the second lap to be the person that inspires people to go for a walk, to do something differently, to talk about how they feel again was amazing, and the last thing I want to say on that is that you know I always tell people that you might look at me, you might read the book, you might see the Instagram or whatever I talk about. I think he's nailed it, he's sorted it, he's done it. No, it's a it's a constant thing. I don't feel like we are ever going to be like I'm okay now. It's just knowing the triggers and the tools to try and help you through it. I still have bad days, bad weeks, and I go to those places and those moments with Brad and the old lady and myself, and think it's all good. And I'll message a friend, tell my partner, like I feel rubbish. Back in the day, I wouldn't have been able to talk like that, so I don't want people to think that he's nailed it, he sorted it, he's done. Because I don't think any of us are.

Holly Newson  28:46

Yeah,

Paul Harris  28:46

I think that it's all about the journey. It's cliche. The destination for us is that we're going to die, right?

Holly Newson  28:55

It

Paul Harris  28:55

is, and you don't know when that's going to come.

Holly Newson  28:57

Yeah,

Paul Harris  28:58

you know, I've got there's a woman, Nicola, in the book who I write about, who's like a mum to me, and I got a call a couple of weeks ago, and she's got a brain tumor, and she's actually getting operated on tomorrow.

Holly Newson  29:07

Yeah, so sorry.

Paul Harris  29:08

No, I know, and it's just she's a doctor, and it just shows you how fleeting.

Holly Newson  29:15

Yeah,

Paul Harris  29:15

you know, you think you're here for a long time. You think we've got 10, 20, 30 years, and I hope I have. Hope you have.

Holly Newson  29:20

Yeah,

Paul Harris  29:21

right. And even that's not long enough for me.

Holly Newson  29:23

Yeah,

Paul Harris  29:23

I want to do so much, you know. But now she's going to go in surgery. She's going to have a week at the hospital in Plymouth, and then hopefully recover. But it's just a reminder that you know we aren't here for long enough, and we haven't got long. How do you choose that time? You know, and I think with the things that we have in our lives, mental health is. I think it's come on leaps and bounds with how people talk about it, but I also think there's still a lot of work to do.

Holly Newson  29:52

Yeah,

Paul Harris  29:52

and I think the only way we're going to get through it is kindness. It honestly is. You know, I think before we spoke on here. Properly, you told me about your inspiration for this, and one of them is to get the boss to take the junior for a coffee to just remember where you came from. You know those little moments, the hi how I use when you grab a coffee, when you walk past someone and say, "Oh, you look really good today. I love that jacket, and just carry on walking. Don't stay. Men, especially, just don't. Yes, get bad rap. Yeah, not all men, right?

Holly Newson  30:22

Yeah, one of my favorite compliments ever actually was I was waiting for a train, and this guy who he must have been-I didn't really know-but he must have been stood next to me waiting for the train for ages. He waited until the train pulled up. I was getting on, he wasn't. He was waiting for a different train, and just before I got on, he just said, "I wanted to let you know I love your shoes. I think that eff it, and then I got on the train. He didn't, and I was just like, he has given that compliment in a way that I'm like feeling light for the rest of the day. But I know there was literally nothing else behind it. Like,

Paul Harris  30:51

yes, we get a bad rap. I mean, men are men, right?

Holly Newson  30:54

Yeah,

Paul Harris  30:54

and men are getting a bad rap, but some of it is justifiable. It is justifiable because men can be awkward and downright stupid, but there's a lot of men like me that can actually just give a compliment to someone, and we should.

Holly Newson  31:07

Yeah,

Paul Harris  31:07

you should if you you know, but just leave it.

Holly Newson  31:09

Yeah,

Paul Harris  31:09

give it and leave.

Holly Newson  31:10

Yeah,

Paul Harris  31:10

just give it, just move on. Yeah, yeah, just stop. Yeah, but yeah, you know, and I feel and and for me actually on the whole compliment thing, there's nothing like a compliment from a man for me. You know, it's great to get it from women, obviously, and you'll get the same, right? You know, when you get a compliment from a man about your hair, coat.

Holly Newson  31:29

Yeah.

Paul Harris  31:29

But when another woman gives it to you, it's like me. When another man says, "Bro, you look great, man. Thanks, bro. Like you know, fist bar off. Thank you. You know, because it's just it's one of our own, right?

Holly Newson  31:38

Yeah.

Paul Harris  31:38

And men, we don't we do some great things, and the manosphere is is a constant annoyance to me because all that shows me is that we're shining a light on the on the wrong men, and what we need to do is bring it back into the right men.

Holly Newson  31:52

Yeah,

Paul Harris  31:53

because I've met many of them.

Holly Newson  31:54

Yeah,

Paul Harris  31:55

and there are a lot of great men out there.

Holly Newson  31:56

Yeah,

Paul Harris  31:57

you know, and the youth of today need to see them, not these idiots in our phones.

Holly Newson  32:02

Yeah,

Paul Harris  32:03

yeah, that's enough on that one.

Holly Newson  32:04

So talking of good men, so Brad, so he built you this website. And then so the school children were following along.

Paul Harris  32:11

Yes,

Holly Newson  32:11

and so is it partly because of the website that you ended up going and having that

Paul Harris  32:16

yeah

Holly Newson  32:16

talk in that school?

Paul Harris  32:17

Yeah, so they found me on Instagram, obviously, and I wouldn't have kind of contacted them. I wouldn't have updated them.

Holly Newson  32:23

Yeah,

Paul Harris  32:24

but these kids who were like 7, 8, 9, 10 were watching me in their assemblies. Yeah, where's Paul today? Where's the Warriror Walker today? And it's when I met them. Yeah, they already knew about me. Yeah, they already knew who I was, and I was so impressed by how much they did know. You know, and and that's all down to Brad.

Holly Newson  32:41

Yeah.

Paul Harris  32:42

And you can be a Brad. Everyone can be Brad. You know, we've all got friends in our lives and family and people that we know and people that we don't know, but we do know on Instagram. And there's people just doing a really good thing in the community. But we can all be Brad. We can all big our friends up. We can all talk about our friends and these people that are doing great things. Just like there's a lot of people doing negative ones in the manosphere, right? We can just bring that back and be like, but by the way, there's this guy that I follow. He does this thing. I've not met him, but you should know about that.

Holly Newson  33:08

Yeah,

Paul Harris  33:09

you know, we I call it radiators and drains. You know, like radiators, what do they do? They give heat, make you feel warm, make you feel nice when you feel cold.

Holly Newson  33:19

Yeah,

Paul Harris  33:20

drains they take things, you know. They take things away from you, like your energy. We've all been around people that have done that in our lives for too long, or maybe sometimes we've been the drain, you know. And then you go around the radiator of a person, and you're like, "Oh man, I need to stop doing that.

Holly Newson  33:36

Yeah.

Paul Harris  33:36

So it's just giving people good vibes, leaving them feeling good.

Holly Newson  33:44

Can you tell me a time that someone did something kind for you?

Doug  33:49

Well, my husband is very kind to me, and we're very we kind of practice that with one another. He's very patient. He's very kind with his with our beagle, and with the cats, And he's just a he's just a gentle giant in a way. He's not a giant, but you know. But I mean, emotionally, he's yeah, he's he's extremely kind.

Holly Newson  34:14

May I ask what yours and your husband's names are?

Doug  34:17

My name is Doug, and my husband's name is Bill.

Holly Newson  34:21

Brilliant. Well, thank you, Doug. This was such a pleasure to meet you.

Holly Newson  34:27

Moving on to your third story.

Paul Harris  34:29

Yes,

Holly Newson  34:29

of kindness.

Paul Harris  34:30

The most important one, I feel.

Holly Newson  34:31

So, tell me about this this story.

Paul Harris  34:33

The format of this podcast, you ask like three people, three instances, right? And it's my nan, from when I was born, grew up in a really tough environment and tough home life. And my nan at the time, I didn't realize, but she'd come and grab us and take us out of that, and and would stay with her for the weekend. Me and my brother lived in a place called Corf in Dorset, which is beautiful, and she'd shelter us from the storm for the weekend. You know. I was too young to know what was going on.

Holly Newson  35:02

Yeah.

Paul Harris  35:02

And then I grew up and I went and joined the Marines. She was the person I phoned when I nearly quit. You know, constant radiator, constantly making me feel good, constantly believing in me.

Holly Newson  35:14

Yeah.

Paul Harris  35:15

My 20s, but they were tough as well. Life's been tough, right? My nan, always the cheerleader, always the one listening to me, always the one believing in my crazy ideas.

Holly Newson  35:27

Yes,

Paul Harris  35:27

always the one being like, "Why don't you do that? Always being the one that if it all fails, you come back here.

Holly Newson  35:32

Yeah,

Paul Harris  35:33

you know. And then she obviously passed away, and I felt like the rug had been moved from my feet. You know, my nan was my my nan, my my mum, my dad, my brother, my sister, my friend-all of them in one. The most patient, forgiving, inspiring, solid lady.

Holly Newson  35:52

Yeah,

Paul Harris  35:53

you know, of the generation of the First World War, Second World War.

Holly Newson  35:56

Yeah,

Paul Harris  35:56

you know, they're built different. You know, and she just forever made me feel good about myself, and there's moments in time when I stayed there with her, and you know I just remember this is what I mean about men and the generation of mental health. I guess my granddad was like a stand-up man, policeman of that generation, and I'd be I just remember when I think of this, like I'll be losing my mind a bit, and I'll be crying a lot in my nan's living room, and my grandad would leave the room and be like, "Pull yourself together, you know. My nan would stay, give me a hug, and just tell me it's going to be all right, and just listen to my problems and troubles, you know. I still go through them, but yeah, she was is the most important person I think I've had and met in my life. My nan left me when she passed away, left me with the kind of if I could just be a little bit like that, if I can just be a little bit kinder, it's really hard to listen, you know, like like you are now, like fully listen. We all get excited. I did when I got to London today, you know. I was like, because it's so exciting to be here for me, right?

Holly Newson  37:18

Yeah.

Paul Harris  37:19

But the the hidden skill is to listen to someone because we're human. We're we're on. We're quick. We're where we're going next. What we doing next? Thinking about tonight. Thinking about my wife for dinner. We're just built like that now, and our social media and our phones don't help with that. But just to actually fully listen is such a skill, and I learnt it on the walk to just really listen without judgment, and my nan did that. And I think that I would, if I could take one thing from her going forwards in my life, it's to be the person that can listen and can really listen to someone and not judge someone. It's so hard not to do.

Holly Newson  37:57

Yeah, and you said that she was a cheerleader as well. My mum was always my cheerleader, and when she died, I think I felt a bit like, it felt a bit like how can I possibly be that for myself as much as she was for me. So I'm curious, how do you think that you've found or been able to hold on to, or even re-found maybe that cheerleader within yourself that your nan was to you?

Paul Harris  38:26

Oh yeah, I mean, from that question, I feel like there's two layers to it. Obviously, there's the internal one for myself, and then there's the external one, and how I can be that for someone else. And I'm rubbish sometimes, you know, I'm like excitable. I'm just thinking about myself. I was like, oh no, you know. But to be kind for myself, you know, my nan. It's you know when I mentioned it earlier, actually, about religion and God, and my nan was a very strong Christian, and I stayed at her house because I came back from Thailand originally for a little bit, and and I was. She's like, you're not renting in this country, you know. I've got a spare room. You're gonna, you're gonna stay there. Like it's too expensive. And I used to. It used to annoy me, which is so bad to say right now. It used to annoy me, but my nan would go to bed like clockwork. She's up at seven, bed at 10. You know, she'd watch the news and go to bed.

Holly Newson  39:20

Yeah,

Paul Harris  39:22

I'd hear her praying. It's really, you know, and I don't feel bad about saying it now, but I used to. It used to annoy me. I don't. I don't know. It triggered- I don't know.

Holly Newson  39:32

Yeah.

Paul Harris  39:33

What happened when she passed away, and when I kind of got to a good headspace and and missed my nan, which I did anyway, but I don't know. I used to miss that, you know, miss that sound of my nan praying.

Holly Newson  39:45

Yeah.

Paul Harris  39:47

How can I take anything away from my nan into my own life? I mean, the past taught me that. I think that lady that I met on the second day may have been my nan in some weird way by a sign, you know that. She's proud of me, and you know, and that. How can I take it away? Well, I can be kinder to myself, and it's very hard to do. But my nan was very kind, very patient, very forgiving, and it's not over till it's over. You know, they went through a lot in the war, right? The First World War, so it's not over till it's over.

Holly Newson  40:16

Yeah,

Paul Harris  40:17

and then how can I take that forwards externally to someone else, be the same as I am to myself internally. Be the same. Listen, if you hear a good idea from someone and they're very doubtful about it, they've probably got 10 other people telling them not to do it, and that's probably a reflection of the person telling them and their fears projected onto them. Be the person that says go for it.

Holly Newson  40:42

Yeah,

Paul Harris  40:42

you know why not?

Holly Newson  40:43

Yeah,

Paul Harris  40:44

if not you, who?

Holly Newson  40:45

Yeah,

Paul Harris  40:45

you know. And I walked the country with that mindset twice. So you know, if not you, who? If you hear a good idea, build someone up. Ask them more about it. They're clearly excited.

Holly Newson  40:57

Yeah,

Paul Harris  40:57

I talk about the walk. I start smiling. I talk about the state of politics and the state of the world. It makes me feel a bit meh, you know.

Holly Newson  41:04

Yeah,

Paul Harris  41:05

everyone's got an excitable thing in their lives, a passion,

Holly Newson  41:08

yeah,

Paul Harris  41:09

something they really want to do. We all have it. Build that person up. Ask them more questions. Tell them to go for it. Because what have you got to lose?

Holly Newson  41:18

Yeah,

Paul Harris  41:18

you just go back to where you are now.

Holly Newson  41:21

So building on that, my final question to you: what is the kindest thing that you have ever done for yourself?

Paul Harris  41:29

That's a good question. That's good, isn't it? I think the kindest thing I've done to myself is probably just. I say this very loosely, right? It's going to come out very nonchalantly, but it's not. But sticking around, you know, just getting through that. Can I swear?

Holly Newson  41:53

Yeah.

Paul Harris  41:53

Okay, good. Getting through that shit day.

Holly Newson  41:56

Yeah.

Paul Harris  41:56

That shit week, month, year. But just sticking around, I think that's the kindest thing I could do for myself and do. And I'm very proud that I can talk about it without crying because I used to cry a lot. Yeah, it's you know when you're unburdening yourself and you're talking about how you feel. Yeah, it is so raw. But I said when I said about it being nonchalant, it's because I speak about it so much now.

Holly Newson  42:23

Yeah,

Paul Harris  42:24

and it's just like the sun shining. It's how I speak about it. Whereas back in the day, for many years of my life, it would be the biggest thing I've spoke about. I wouldn't be able to finish it. I'd start crying, and there's a message in that that we all need to talk more about these things because we don't. And hopefully, someone who listens or watches this thinks to themselves, "I must start today. Yeah.

Holly Newson  42:50

Yeah. Well, Paul, thank you so much. This has been such a wonderful, wonderful chat.

Paul Harris  42:51

It's gone so quick.

Holly Newson  42:57

Gone so quick. I can honestly talk for another hour. I really appreciate it, and your your book and what you've done, I just think is like a beautiful thing and a beautiful message.

Paul Harris  43:07

No, thank you. I appreciate it, and maybe we'll do part two on the path or something sometime.

Holly Newson  43:11

I would love that.

Paul Harris  43:12

Yeah, thank you.

Holly Newson  43:23

Thank you so much for listening. You being here and your support means a lot to me. I got really quite emotional listening back to this episode. Paul just radiates so much hope and so much love for the people in his life. Do go and give his book, The Warrior Walker, a read. This episode is dedicated to those people who always have time to listen to a stranger's story. Maybe share the episode with one of those people in your life who just loves to have a chat, or someone else who might enjoy it. I would also love to hear a story from you about a time that someone was kind to you. So send that in at kindpodcast.com, or you can email me holly@kindpodcast.com, and I will feature some voice notes in the show. If you like the show, let me know. Hit subscribe, hit like, hit follow, give it a rating, a review. That stuff helps me so much. It was great to spend time with you. Speak soon.

Music  44:17

Hey, dream on, and let your heart unfold.