A stranger gave me her house keys | Adam Lind

Adam Lind  00:00

And yeah, this woman, who we literally met four and a half hours before-

Holly Newson  00:03

Handed you her keys,

Adam Lind  00:04

Just handed us the keys. And it was one of these moments of like, are we in a movie?

Holly Newson  00:11

Oh, hey, welcome to kind I am so glad you're here. I'm Holly, and I'll be chatting to guests about the times people were kind to them and how that changed things. In this episode, you'll hear how trusting that people will be kind can take you to amazing places. By the way, you're needed, right? Let's drop you straight in. You're about to hear from Adam Lind, who hitchhiked halfway across the world with his now wife Lauren, and then found his home on their narrow boat The Ramen Rose, and he's written about the lessons he learned and the people he met along the way in his book, Floating Home. Adam, welcome.

Adam Lind  00:49

Hello. Thank you for having me.

Holly Newson  00:50

Thanks for coming. So my first question to you, what does being kind mean to you?

Adam Lind  00:56

Good question, and one that I feel like should seem really simple, but seems really big, yeah? Well, someone once told me, and I think I wrote this in the book, like, the way to feel really good in yourself is to do something nice for someone else. And I think so often we speak the right words when it comes to like, kindness and compassion, but maybe don't always act on them. So I guess true kindness for me is actually, yeah, acting on the things that we know to be right.

Holly Newson  01:22

Are there small, like, little, kind things that mean a lot to you?

Adam Lind  01:25

Yeah, actually, I'm quite sentimental in the sense of, like, I'm going to be going out tonight with my sister. She bought me a present for Christmas, and it's going to be like, drinks and food, and I don't drink that much. And my wife called me, like, an hour ago and was like, just going to the supermarket. You're going to be hung over tomorrow. Is there any food you want me to get you for breakfast for when you wake up? Yeah. And I was like, you've actually made my day. She was like, why? And for me, kindness is like someone thinking about you when they don't need to those kind of really small things. I actually they really mean a lot to me.

Holly Newson  01:58

Oh, 100%. So on the podcast, I ask people to have a think about three times people have done something kind for them, and yours will give us maybe some tasters of your book as well, which is lovely. So for this first story, would you tell me about your dad? Introduce me to him.

Adam Lind  02:14

Yeah, sure. My dad was a really interesting character in my life. He'd been an alcoholic long before I was actually born. From stories I've heard he was an alcoholic from when he was like 17, I think he was like 38 when I was born, he went through, like, some periods of sobriety, but ultimately, was an addict. Him and my mother separated when I was three, and I always knew there was something kind of different about him, through things like, if my if I was staying at his and I wanted friends to come around, like their parents would be a bit dubious about it, or sometimes my sister and I would go there, like for the weekend, but then within a few hours, like my mom would come and pick us up. But when you're young, I hadn't really, like, put my finger on what it was, and they decided to tell me, my mum and my sister, who essentially raised me together, told me when I was 11, that he was an alcoholic. And I remember when they told me it was quite like ceremonial, like my mum came up to my dad's flat, which she never used to do, and they were like, when your sister was 11, we told her this information. We wanted to let you know, like your dad's an alcoholic in front of him, like he was in the corner, just like we had spoken about, almost if he wasn't there. And I remember thinking like, so what? Like my mom drinks wine in the evenings. We had the pub at the end of the road, like people would go for drinks after work, like, so he drinks like, so what? Now, I was given these books that kind of spoke about what alcoholism is, and yeah, I have so much compassion for him. You know, I do a lot in, like, the men's mental health space, and I think particularly back then, I see his addiction as probably something internal he was struggling with that came out in the wrong way. But yeah, so he passed when I was 17, which was a grief was such an interesting process as a teenager, because there's like half of me that was quite existential in the realms of like, okay, so my dad's gone. But like, where is he? Like, will I see him again one day when I die? And all these questions. But then also trying to just be a normal teenager and being like, who am I going to try and, like, kiss at the club this weekend? And it was like my mind was living in these two realms of really existential and then really just wanting to be like a teenager, yeah? And going back to the kindness part, this was really where, like, you know, the support around me was so incredible, and my friends were so helpful.

Holly Newson  04:25

So on your friends, what kind thing did they do?

Adam Lind  04:27

Yeah, well, specifically, when you when you asked me to think of kindness, I was just taken back to this moment of, like, leading up to his death. He'd been in hospital for like, six or eight weeks, and a few times we got called and being like, Oh, we think he's not going to make it. And we'd go to the hospital and there'd be, oh, actually, he's they'd be like, Oh, actually, he's better. There was this, like, revolving door. When it finally happened, they would just came around and was like, let's just go to the park. There was a park near where I lived, where we used to hang out and get up to no good. And we would just, like, sit on this bench. And I just remember them allowing me to, like, cry and then laugh and then cry. And then laugh, and like I said to them, I just want this to feel like when we normally hanging out here, yeah. But also in moments, I'm gonna cry, and they're like, cool, and I just remember them like holding me in that space. And as teenagers like you know you're not, maybe as socially aware as you would be now. And I'd actually forgotten a lot of that memory until you probed me about kindness that had happened in my life. And it was such a great experience. It was two friends in particular that were there, and it was just so special. You know, that's so special.

Holly Newson  05:27

Do you remember at the time what it meant to you to just feel like, Oh, they're just here and I can just still be me, and I don't have to explain this to them?

Adam Lind  05:33

Yeah, it's a good question. I want to call their names up. By the way, it was Rachel and Josh, just in case they listened to this, and I don't know, I don't think I had the social awareness to I think, to be honest, I was grieving. So I feel like one thing of grief is you're not actually as empathic, because you maybe would be, I wouldn't think about how good it was that they were there. So I'm gonna say no, but on the reflection, it was just, yeah, just it's a hard space to be in. I think it's an awkward space to be in, you know, like carrying someone for a parent's death and like wanting to crack you don't know what to say. You don't want to say the wrong thing, yeah? But just, I think knowing that they showed up and just listened to what I needed is just, yeah, incredible.

Holly Newson  06:11

Yeah. Do you feel like you're better equipped to sit with people in their grief because of your own?

Adam Lind  06:20

Yeah, I would say so. I would say so. I just like, and not just grief. I just think any emotion. I think I really try never to like fix, because there's nothing to fix. I feel like the only valid piece of advice I was given in grief is that time is the only healer. But I just like allowing people to feel whatever they're feeling. And I think there's not often enough of that, you know, just we want to fix them because we want them to feel good, but sometimes they need to go through it rather than just, like, be distracted from it, you know.

Holly Newson  06:49

Yeah, and those two friends you mentioned, I'm gonna guess you're still friends?

Adam Lind  06:54

Yeah, life's taken us on some different directions, I definitely don't still speak to them as much as I'd like to. Yeah, they've both got a child now, not together, but yeah, like, you know, there's these people that just consistently will be out your will be in your life, even if you're not seeing and speaking to them that much.

Holly Newson  07:11

Yeah, yeah. And do you think that they know, or do you think this might be the moment that they find out that actually, that moment meant a lot to you?

Adam Lind  07:19

Yeah? I mean, I wonder if they've even ever thought about it themselves, to be honest. But yeah, I never really send them the stuff I do. But this one, I'll be like, You gotta listen to this one.

Holly Newson  07:31

Well, I think that's like, a beautiful way to tell them how much it meant, because whether they remember it specifically or not, they'll remember that day.

Adam Lind  07:39

Yeah. And what's interesting is they'll have their own versions of what happened. That's why I also find funny about memories. They'll be like, I wasn't there. That's what I find. Me and my wife do this a lot, like from our travels, we'll both refer to a memory, and it's like, we remember it completely differently. We don't know which version's right, like they were both just right for us, I guess. Yeah, which is also funny when people try and, like, argue over recalling something, because there's both our versions, and then there's what actually happened, but we won't actually know

Holly Newson  08:06

Are you both quite good at going like, well, maybe it was yours, maybe it was mine. Maybe it was somewhere in between?

Adam Lind  08:13

No, you're both like, I'm light.

Holly Newson  08:15

I can relate.

Holly Newson  08:22

Can you think of a time that someone did something kind for you?

Jason  08:26

I'm an immigrant. I'm in the middle of another process of getting another visa to stay here, my last one and everything that she has done, my wife to help. Yeah, everybody, like, literally, everybody who has helped me, yeah, either front the money helped me out with, you know, filling out the-, because it's not an easy process, probably on purpose, but yeah, just all the help I've gotten, financially, morally, just every kind of help I've gotten for the last two visas I've gotten, and now hopefully my final one, so I can stay here. Because I'm from America, I'm not going back there.

Holly Newson  09:11

I hope you can stay too. What has it meant to you to have all that support from people around you?

Jason  09:16

Loads, because I don't think I could have done it on my own. There's just too much going on up here, too much ADHD brain and stuff to be able to pull off that process without some sort of help. And the only other if you don't have somebody helping you in your life, and you have to rely on legal help, which is very, very handy, but very, very pricey. But if you're moving over here to like, be with your wife, be with your family, then you're kind of on your own, unless you have the financial wherewithal, which most people don't, not immigrants anyway, yeah,

Holly Newson  09:47

but your, but your parents helped you with that money?

Jason  09:49

Yeah, yeah. They've helped me on this last one. We, yeah, my in laws have been amazing on the one before this one. So we've had, I've had I've had help. We've had help every step of the way.

Holly Newson  10:00

Well, I hope it all comes through soon and you can stay in your country. This is your country. Well, it was so nice to meet you. Can I ask your name?

Jason  10:13

Jason.

Holly Newson  10:14

Jason, thank you so much for stopping and I hope you have a beautiful day, both of you. Thanks so much!

Holly Newson  10:25

So moving on to your second story of kindness, you were on your travels. So tell me how your travels were going at this time and where you were up to?

Adam Lind  10:34

Sure, so a slight bit of a backstory. I moved to Leeds to university when I was 18, and I met my wife when we were 19 in our second year of university, and we were having a great time. We both really enjoy, like, partying and electronic music. And I started a business with a friend throwing these electronic music parties, which was great, but led down, like quite a strong route of, like, hedonism and escapism and all the things that come with electronic music. Yeah, and it was like the most fun ever, but I was really craving some, like, real connection outside of narcotics, basically. And we'd graduated, and we kind of didn't really know what to do, and I still had this hunger to not just settle down or get a normal job. So we saved some money, and we decided that we were going to try. And we were watching this couple on YouTube that were hitchhiking, and I just loved this idea that connecting with locals, it was a free way to travel. And we decided we were going to try and hitchhike from London to India. So the plan was no planes, no trains, no busses, just rely on the kindness of strangers. Packed a bag, we took a bus from London to Amsterdam for like, 10 pounds, and said to friends and family, like, maybe we'll be back in two weeks. Maybe we'll be back in two months, maybe we'll back in two years. Like, let's just see what happens. Yeah, and yeah, it was the craziest adventure. Really completely re instilled my faith in human kindness, because we completely surrendered, I think for the first two and a half years, we only use paid accommodation on two nights.

Holly Newson  12:05

Wow,

Adam Lind  12:05

because people would just take us into their homes

Holly Newson  12:07

for two whole years?

Adam Lind  12:08

Two years, yeah.

Holly Newson  12:09

That's amazing.

Adam Lind  12:10

People always - there's this like, you know, people that hate to believe that this stuff could possibly be true. So people are like, we know you guys had a trust fund or this happened. Like, I was like, can't you just believe that people were kind like, No, I can't. And I've always been a fan of, like, experiential science, so I don't like to believe in something until I experience it myself. Okay? So I have this inherent belief that people are good, like, the vast majority, I think I say in the book, like 99.9% of people, and they're like, it's one thing to argue about that with people, and there's one thing to actually go and surrender and put your thumb out, get in the car of a stranger, go to a stranger's house to sleep, and not only the fact that we were safe and the fact they didn't kill us, but also just these people that would pick you up and drive an hour out of their way just to help you because they wanted to do something nice that day, or they would call their wife and say, I've got these two strangers coming back from England, like, I know she would have made like a big dinner for us when we got there, and we were just shown this, like, day after day, year after year. It was like a five year trip in the end, across every border that we crossed. So, yeah, human kindness definitely, definitely prevails.

Holly Newson  13:20

Yeah, 100% I feel like it's like the biggest example of it, for people to pick you up and then for people to let you stay, and for people to Yeah, like, cook you food and welcome you in. And so this particular story of kindness that you, that you've sent me, was quite near the start of your journey?

Adam Lind  13:38

It was in France, I think we'd maybe been on the road about a year. My timeline again, this is where Lauren and I would be like, it was then, it was then - we didn't really do a direct route. We kind of like traveled down through, like, France, Spain, Portugal, Italy, Austria. Then we kind of went back a bit to France again. There was not, like a real timeline, but we'll say it was near the start, and we'd been wild camping near some lake in France, and we were meet Lauren's family. Were flying to Italy, and we're going to spend a few days with them, but we had like two or three weeks to get there. And every country we'd give an average wait time we'd have for hitchhiking, so we'd figure it out. And like, France was good, it was about like 25 minutes. Spain was like an hour and a half, right? Okay? Turkey was like two minutes, by the way, but yeah. So we knew that we could get through France, probably in a couple of days, quite comfortably. So we thought we'd just kind of surrender to whatever was going to happen. And this woman pulls up in a van. Her name was violet, and she picked up on the side of the road and said she was driving to Lyon, which is we didn't know at the time, like the second biggest city in France, okay, but it was like 400 kilometers away. It was quite near the border of Italy, and it was actually way further than we wanted to go, okay, but she was really nice. We were just like, let's just go. And she was like, Leon's cool. So we get in the car, we drive for four hours, and we're just chatting and putting music on. And she was just like, a really cool woman.

Holly Newson  14:59

Will you describe her to me?

Adam Lind  15:00

Yeah, she was like, I guess, quite alternative. I remember she had like, a dream catcher hanging on the dashboard. She had short hair, want to say was maybe wearing, like, dungarees and like, maybe Doc Martens. This is all could be so made up, by the way, but this is how, like, this is how I depict her, from what I remember, yeah, and she was just cool. She was like, driving this van. She felt like a bit independent, and just like, Yeah, a bit of us, basically. But I'd say before we'd actually found really who we were in like, an alternative way. I think we might be, like, enamored by her a little bit, yeah. And actually, most people that picked us up were not these kind of people. It was like businessmen or families. So it was quite nice to have someone of this nature pick us up. And yeah, thanks for that question, by the way, describing her. And then we traveled down, and we get into Leon and it was quite late, and I remember really clearly, like, looking out the window and just seeing like, poverty and like shut us down on these cafes. And it just felt like a city, and we hadn't been in a city in a while, and we were planning to camp, and we were just like, This feels like, sketchy doesn't feel like we're, like our soul wants to be. So we said to her, like, oh, I don't know where we're going to camp here. And she said, Oh, do you know what, like, 30 minutes on is, I live in a village called Chambery, and it's much more, like, full of nature, and I can, there's a perfect field. I'll drop you and I you can just camp them with. Oh, thank you so much. So we traveled with her to the village, and then as we were like, coming into the village, she was like, Do you know what, guys, I'm literally going home for about an hour to pack a bag, and then I'm driving on to Switzerland, where I'm going to a music festival, right? So why don't I just give you the keys to my apartment? I've got, like, a penthouse apartment, and I'll be gone for two weeks. You either like, you're here when I get back, great. And if not, you just put the key under the mat and my neighbor will take it in. And we were like, Are you sure? And she was like, absolutely. So we were like, great. So we went with her. She took us this beautiful apartment that overlooked, like, it's like, the most quaint French village, yeah, if you could just look at, think about a French movie. That's what this village looked like, yeah. And I just looked down in the morning at the people, like, smoking their cigarette, drinking their coffee on their balconies, you know? And, yeah, this woman, who we literally met four and a half hours before,

Holly Newson  17:12

handed you her keys,

Adam Lind  17:13

handed us the keys and, and let us stay. And, yeah, what a, what a privilege.

Holly Newson  17:18

Yeah. So what had your conversation been on the drive over. Like, obviously, you must have chatted about a lot. Did you all get to know each other?

Adam Lind  17:26

Yeah, I think she, I think she liked our adventurous spirit. I think standardly, when you'd get in a hitchhike car, they'd be like, where are you from? What do you do? Where are you going? Why are you here? And I think she really got the concept that we were on this, I get we weren't calling it this at the time, but this social experiment of, can we get from here to here without spending money? Not because we're tight, because we want to connect with people, and we believe that humans ultimately want to connect and help people, but we have been cultured into a disconnected society, to fear our neighbors, to fear people from other countries through the propaganda that spread, yeah, ultimately, we are all quite similar, and we want the same basic things, and that doesn't matter, like, what language you speak, what color your skin is, we want, like, you know, shelter, connection and safety and food. And I think she really got that. And I'm not saying she would have picked up anyone and done it. I think when you give yourself to someone, and I mean that through that conversation and openness and vulnerability, and you open your heart to them, then they've received you in a way that maybe someone they've known for 10 years through whatever means has never opened up to them. So you can build these really strong fundamental connections almost instantly.

Holly Newson  18:34

Yeah. And so you're in this this penthouse apartment. What was that like?

Adam Lind  18:41

It was gorgeous. And well, actually, if you want the real truth, it was gorgeous, but I was actually having quite a difficult time mentally. I've, like, suffered with OCD from from really young, and I get these, like intrusive thoughts about things. And I was going through this period of existentialism, kind of similar to what I spoke to when I lost my dad of a bit, like, what is the point of any of this? Yeah, and like, by that, I mean life. I was reading a lot of spiritual texts that can be great, but they can be quiet, take you out of your human experience. And I remember, like, this idea that you know, like, essentially nothing's real, like, we're all like fabricated vessels, or, like, energy living in these flesh suits. And I was, like, really on that vibe, yeah, but like, in quite a way that it would go from being really liberating to really scary and feeling really meaningless, yeah. And I remember having a conversation with my wife one night up there being like, I'm I'm a bit scared, like, of of everything, because nothing feels real anymore. Like this chair doesn't feel real. And this real and this table doesn't feel real. And I remember my wife said to me, well, is your love for me real? And I said, Well, no, because nothing, nothing like yeah, that's not separate to this experience, yeah. And I remember seeing the look in her eyes, and I remember understanding in. That moment, having this epiphany that, like, even though, contextually, nothing's real, I am still living a human experience, and I need to experience things of a human nature, which is the love for my wife, the joy of this chair, yeah, and you know, it is real when it's not, and this kind of duality and paradox. So yeah, I'd also forgot that that had happened there. But when you said, What was it like there? And said, What was it like there? And I took myself back, it was, yeah, it was both parts beautiful, enlightening and difficult. I've also just thought of a really great experience I had when we were at violence. Can I share that? I remember, like, walking through the village of shambhari, and there was this guy, like, playing an accordion, like, sitting by, like, you know, the water, not a waterfall. Would you call it, like, in the middle of like, middle of, like a square, like a water feature, a fountain, exactly. And he was, like, talking to us about this, like, traditional French music. And he kind of, like, guided us through this path, and like, kind of, like, almost like, ushered us to keep going. And we could hear this, like he stopped. We could hear this other music. And we found ourselves in this big open space where there was, he's the most incredible guitarist. I think there was two guitarists on like an open, like amphitheater stage, doing a tribute to Edith Piaf, who's, like, a really famous French opera singer, I believe. And it was one of these moments of like, are we in a movie? Yeah, like, we're in this beautiful French town. And then they played on the guitar imagined by John Lennon, which is my dad's favorite song, and even though I didn't know him on a deep level, that song has always made me feel particularly connected to him, because the lyrics are like, imagine there's no borders. Imagine there's no countries. You know what? Imagine what the world would be like. And it was like, that's what I felt I was trying to embody and experience. So that mindset has always made me feel connected to my dad. Yeah. So yeah, there was a lot of beauty in shambhari as well, just not just me having a meltdown,

Holly Newson  21:49

And so you had this massive act of of kindness in giving you the key to her apartment, and also all these acts of kindness along your trip. What impact did it have on you to prove yourself, right, I guess, that that people are ultimately kind in this way?

Adam Lind  22:07

Yeah, it's funny, because you know how much it proved that kindness was so evident was that by the end, we actually became a bit desensitized to it. One of the reasons we actually stopped the trip was because it was just like, Yeah, of course, someone's gonna pick us up and like, they'd invite you to go back to your home. It almost be like, what they picked us up and didn't invite us to go back to their home. Bit rude, and it was always like, we'd experienced so much kindness that we kind of felt like now it's time for us to go and take everything we've learned and, like, embody it into a lifestyle, and embody it into, like, channeling change and sharing the stories we've heard. Yeah, our dream was always to, like, pick up a hitchhiker in a couple of times. It's like, been able to happen in a small way when we've been traveling around in our car, our van. Yeah, but yeah, that would be the dream. So there would have been, like, really short journeys. But My dream would be, like, I don't drive, but my wife and I to be in the car pick someone up and be like, what do you need? Like, what I'll pay for your hotel? Like, I want to just do this. Like, huge acts of kindness. Yeah.

Holly Newson  23:15

So could you tell me a time that you received an act of kindness?

Sarah  23:20

Yes, people are kind. I remember I was probably at one of the lowest points in my life. I was post covid, sort of December 2020, I had just moved back home after breaking up my partner and I couldn't work. They worked in the music industry. There was nothing going on. And then both my parents got diagnosed with throat cancer a couple of months after each other, and it was a lot. It was a hard time. And I went for my daily walk, and I went to the local woods near my house, and I came across on the path, just laying out there the most beautiful little bunch of flowers with a little notes, and it said, a random act of kindness has found its way to you. There was no trick or hidden agenda, just trying to brighten your day. And it was the smallest thing, and it was just like the universe had placed them there in front of me, just when I really need a little boost. And it was just so magical, and it meant a lot in that moment, like it just and it's something that's really stuck with me as well. Yeah, you never know what someone's going through, and you never know what little boost can help them in that moment.

Holly Newson  24:37

So moving on to your third story of kindness, tell me how long you'd been living on your boat at this time, and maybe set the scene of the day this kind thing happened.

Adam Lind  24:47

Yeah, it was funny. When I was trying to think of a boat related kindness, there was like so many, so I just kind of plucked one, yeah, but I mean, things like this happened all the time on the canals, but we were we hadn't been on the boat too long. And we were cruising. So for Yeah, reference, I live on a canal boat, and we have a license called a continue a cruiser license, which means we have to move every two weeks, like a small distance. But we were doing quite a big cruise, and we ran out of diesel, like the engine, we felt like the engine was broken, and we figured out we'd run out of diesel, right? Our car was, like, ages away, because the idea was we were going to cruise a few hours and then get a train back, right. And we were just stuck, essentially. And there was, like, no petrol stations around to wouldn't have been able to carry the stuff. And this, yeah, this couple just saw us in trouble and just offered to drive and pick up some jerry cans of diesel and bring them to us. Yeah. And, but, yeah. I mean, like, obviously that is extremely kind, but particularly on the canals, you get this all the time. Like, you don't walk past a boat so that doesn't look like they're in a little bit of trouble or concern and not go over. I remember when we we spent one winter up in north Wales, and we were cruising the boat up there, and, like, we needed to get our engine fixed, so we were going quite slowly, and this boat kind of overtook us, and then, like, maybe half an hour later, I'd seen the people that were on that boat, like, walking up the tow path, and they literally gone, tied their boat up, which takes like, a little bit of time, yeah, moored up, just to walk back and check if, like, have you got engine problems? Do you need us to tow you? I was like, have you literally just stopped come by? They're like, Yeah, we just wanted to check you guys, right? Check you guys are okay. Like, never met these people before, yeah? And actually, they ended up becoming really good friends. Actually, the woman Hayley is one of the contributors to the book, yeah, yeah. The people on the canals are just a different, a different breed when it comes to community.

Holly Newson  26:36

It's amazing. So the people who drove and got you diesel, did they also have a boat on the-?

Adam Lind  26:41

They actually, at the time, weren't boaters, but now live on a boat.

Holly Newson  26:47

When did they make the switch, like how long after you met them?

Adam Lind  26:49

I think it would always been on their radar anyway. Like you often find people walking up the canals that are, like, a little bit considering it, yeah, and like, you know, they just want to ask all the questions. They want to experience it. Maybe a couple of years was the time difference. But yeah, it's such a fascinating way of life, one that I never imagined myself doing.

Holly Newson  27:07

Yeah? I love also that it didn't put them off, that they were like, Yeah, we're gonna spend a day driving and getting these people, we don't know, some diesel, and then later we're gonna be like, yeah, that's for us, yeah.

Adam Lind  27:17

Well, interestingly, for a lot of people it's this idea of slowing down. I mean, right now I am way busier than I want to be, but generally on the boat, you have to just go a bit slower. Because, like, you know, when I wake up in the morning, yeah, if I want to be warm, I've got to, like, get the wood, put the fire on. Like, this is like a 20 minute process, yeah, whereas we've obviously built a society based on convenience, and we glorify convenience, and, you know, like, AI all these things, like, you know, you can do this, like, 100 times faster now, it's like, yeah, but at what cost? Yeah, like, for what so for us to just

Holly Newson  27:46

I'd rather do it slower

Adam Lind  27:47

Yeah, same. It doesn't, but I don't, you know, and this is like me speaking to myself, because we glorify convenience, but we have everything's got a cost, I believe. And we rarely look at the cost of making things even quicker and even easier and even more convenient, you know, self checkouts. Like, I actually hate self checkouts, because that was such a good micro interaction that humans could have with someone behind a counter, and we just completely ripped it away from us. And, like, my wife sometimes gets wound up in a rush if we go to, like, a big test goes, I'll actively want to go to the beer where, like, you load your shopping up, and while they're scanning, you have a little chat, because I'm just like, more and more we're becoming disconnected, and people wonder why their anxiety is higher. Loneliness is higher. We're scared to leave the house more because we're literally taking away all of our micro interactions that I think are really important,

Holly Newson  28:37

And it means it's less and less likely that you will have a conversation with someone that you don't know or you haven't been directly introduced to, and then you've got to go and make the effort to talk to a random stranger in the street who looks at you like you're insane.

Adam Lind  28:49

Yeah, and the less you do something, just the less you feel comfortable doing it. Yeah, it's like everything. We're habitual creatures, so when you break a habit or you stop doing something, it's harder to start doing it again.

Holly Newson  28:59

What's the impact for you of living in this community of narrow boaters who help each other out, and the impact of moments like that, when someone walks back to checking you or gets you some diesel?

Adam Lind  29:13

I think it makes me feel really lucky and proud that I'm able to live within the UK in a form of community. I've always loved the idea of living in community, but I hadn't really been enticed to do like, big, shared house, share everything, and it feels like a really beautiful balance of you have your own space. You're not sharing your space of anyone, but you're sharing the waterways. So there's this kind of, like, unique bond between all the boaters, and often in like, traditional communities, everyone's maybe got like, the same kind of mindset, same kind of fashion sense, political views, aspirations, whereas on the boats, it's like every walk of life, yet you're bound by the fact you live on a boat.

Holly Newson  29:54

Yeah. And on that note, what is the kindest thing you've ever done for yourself?

Adam Lind  29:59

Wow. Good question. I think I've got a lot better at prioritizing breaks, like working full time on social media is, like, so amazing, but so consuming. So like, twice this year I've taken myself away to this hut where they take my phone, my laptop, my watch. There's no clocks in there, and just three times a day, this woman comes and she Henny Flynn. Her name is she's amazing, and she brings you, like breakfast, lunch and dinner. And she lives on this land that she calls the land of no requirements. You basically get looked after in that sense, but you're just alone in this heart. It's like be with your thoughts. You can meditate, you can read, you can journal. You don't have any electronics and you don't know what time it is for four days, yeah, which is an amazing I know, privilege to be able to do. And it's like, I did it once, and it was so amazing. So I've done it again recently, and whenever I'm there, I'm like, Yeah, this is, this is well done for, like, taking the time to actually block this out and ignore the noise and do this for yourself.

Holly Newson  31:00

Yeah. And you mentioned before we started recording that you're not the best sleeper, not knowing what time is and all of that, do you feel like more rested? Do you sleep better?

Adam Lind  31:09

Yeah, definitely. It was also like, so you know, you could have this thing where you wake up and you think you've had a good sleep, but you might look at the phone or the watch and it's 5am and you'll be like, Oh my God, it's 5am whereas there, I don't know if I was getting up at 5am or 10am but I was waking up and being like, Am I awake enough now? And if the answer was no, I'd go back to sleep. And if the answer was yes, I'd be like, let's get up. Yeah, I was just listening to myself. I was eating when I was hungry. I was sleeping when I was tired. Yeah, I was walking when I was wanting to walk. And, yeah, just this bringing you back to yourself, you know, in near enough silence for like, four days.

Holly Newson  31:44

Wow. And will you do it again?

Adam Lind  31:46

Oh, yeah, I'm gonna do, like, it's gonna be a yearly thing. Henny and I are also actually going to be running a retreat together at the end of this year called the weekend of no requirements. Okay, we haven't actually launched yet. We're going to be launching it in the next few weeks. I don't know when this goes out, but, yeah, well, we're going to have this big house in Hertfordshire, and again, this invitation for people to just come and be with no expectation. And yeah, I can't wait to, like, collaborate with her and create this

Holly Newson  32:14

that's so exciting.

Adam Lind  32:15

Yeah, come if you want.

Holly Newson  32:16

I'd love to! Well, Adam, thank you so much for coming on this podcast and for sharing your stories. I really appreciate it.

Adam Lind  32:23

Thank you for having me.

Music  32:25

Hey, hold on. I'll stay here till it goes.

Holly Newson  32:33

Thank you so much for listening. You being here, and your support means so much to me. If you want to add some joy into your social media feed. Go and give Adam a follow. He taught his dog how to do apple bobbing, and we all need that in our lives. This episode is dedicated to anyone who scooped us up during grief. Maybe share the episode with one of those people in your life or someone else who might enjoy it. I would also love to hear a story from you about a time someone was kind to you. So record a voice note and send it in at kindpodcast.com or you can email me Holly@kindpodcast.com and I will feature some of the stories on the show. If you like the show, hit, follow, hit, subscribe, give it a rating, a review, a comment. It all helps me a lot. It was great to spend time with you. Speak soon.

Music  33:24

Dream on and let your heart unfold.