My sister gave me her savings | Jess Robinson

Jess Robinson  00:00

And she goes, Brian, stop pissing in the flower bed. The neighbours think, "Oh, poor Jackie, she's still not over it."

Holly Newson  00:10

Oh, hey, welcome to kind I'm so glad you're here. I'm Holly, and I'll be chatting to guests about the times people were kind to them and how that changed things. In this episode, you'll hear how small, thoughtful, kind acts can sometimes create the most impact of all. By the way, you look really nice today. Right, let's drop you straight in. You're about to hear from Jess Robinson, singer, actor, comedian and author of Life is Rosi, a beautiful and hilarious book about the diary entries from Jess grandma and her own from the same age. And I'm mentioning the book at the top of the show because it would be unkind of me to gatekeep a book that I enjoyed did as much as I love this.

Jess Robinson  00:59

Yay.

Holly Newson  01:00

So that being said. Jess, welcome.

Jess Robinson  01:02

Thank you. Thank you so much for having me.

Holly Newson  01:05

The book, honestly, is like, such, such a riot,. I'd got, I don't know, not even very far in, and it was around the Christmas period, and I was going around, and I was, you know, I was saying, my sister, you have to read this book. You have to read this book. And she was like, okay, and I won't spoil the story here, but your story about the phrase 'Jew On' and how that's become your family a family phrase is one of my favorites.

Jess Robinson  01:30

Oh, thank you so much. It's so funny, because I'm a first time author, and to think that. So this, you probably got this one, didn't you? So this is a really early proof.

Holly Newson  01:41

Oh, my God, has it changed?

Jess Robinson  01:43

Yeah, all the spelling mistakes are taken out for one thing, but there was so much repetition in there, and I sent it to Miriam Margolyes, who very kindly gave me an incredible quote.

Holly Newson  01:55

Oh this is right up her street.

Jess Robinson  01:57

The first thing she said to me was, "I think you should have called it uncorrected proof." What's coming next, what's she gonna say? I was just like I was so embarrassed. I didn't know that the book that got sent out to people to preview, it would be such an early copy, I was mortified. Thank you. So glad you enjoyed it. That's amazing.

Holly Newson  02:23

So to start with, what does being kind mean to you?

Jess Robinson  02:27

Being kind means to me? Being unselfish. I think it's not putting myself first. It's being empathetic. It's putting yourself in somebody else's shoes and trying to make them feel good. It's making somebody else feel good or feel better or supported. I think, for me, and sometimes I, you know. Well, I mean, I've done acts of kindness before, which is have gone wrong, like put coins in a homeless person's cup of tea, which went or sometimes, if, depending on what time of the month it is, if I give someone a compliment, like, I really like your hat, it will make me want to cry. I have that weird reaction.

Holly Newson  03:20

What are you feeling when you're giving that compliment and it tears you up?

Jess Robinson  03:24

I don't know. I think I'm feeling vulnerable, or I'm feeling I don't think I'm thinking this is so beautiful, I'm going to cry. I don't know what it is. It's, um, yeah, I think it's a rawness, but I don't know why. It's complimenting someone on their hat. Should make me feel that way,

Holly Newson  03:41

But kind of all connection to extent, requires vulnerability. So I guess it's just like, it's putting yourself out there, isn't it?

Jess Robinson  03:48

I think it's, yeah, just having a nice moment with a stranger. Yeah, that's weird. Don't know. Maybe I'm just very unstable.

Holly Newson  03:58

So each time a guest comes on the show, I asked them to have a think about three times people have done something kind to them. So could you start by introducing me to your husband, Jonty. What is he like?

Jess Robinson  04:10

Oh, he's the kindest man I know. He is so kind when I met him, he's 13 years older than me. He already had a son, and I was out of a divorce, and had not had great relationships before. And I really thought, Oh, well, no, this is, this was, is not my type on paper, is it? You know, someone 13 years older than me. Anyway, he wooed me, and we took one day at a time, and it was and he was kind from the start, and it didn't change. It has never changed. And we've been together for nearly 10 years now, and he's still just so supportive. He will text me and say, What time are you coming home? And I'll let him know, and he'll have a bath waiting for me. Or say I've put the kettle on, or it's just those tiny little gestures like that. For the first, I don't know, three, four years, still, sometimes I just keep going, Oh my God, because I can't believe he's so nice. He's such a warm, thoughtful, kind soul, and he's really inspired me to be thoughtful in that way, not only to him, but to my friends, and sort of cherish and nurture those people and those relationships that that mean so much to you. And it's funny because since I met him, some friends have naturally just sort of dropped away, but I have managed to somehow curate this really amazing group of people who are sort of like minded in that sort of being thoughtful, being gentle way. And it it's Yeah, so it's had a nice little ripple effect.

Holly Newson  05:58

Yeah, it's sort of spread, yes, exactly. And is there any one big kind of thing that you can think that he's done that that has stuck with you?

Jess Robinson  06:09

I think when my dad died, he was an absolute rock, but there are so many there's understanding me with any sort of mental health stuff. He's been just very understanding with that. But I think the the main thing is the steadiness and the consistency of the of the small kind acts. That's the kindest thing, in a way, because it's not been like a sort of love bomby thing, where it and, you know, suddenly you've got someone, and and then it all just disappears and falls away, which was very, very, very much like my first relationships and my marriage, where some it's just just wasn't obviously sustainable for them. It wasn't they, that wasn't them.

Holly Newson  06:55

Did it make you distrustful, having had that experience in the past, when you meet someone who is kind,

Jess Robinson  07:01

I He surprised me. How intimate Can we go,

Holly Newson  07:06

However intimate you want to.

Jess Robinson  07:09

When I first had sex with him, I had shaved everything off, and I put this is really intimate. I don't put this on Instagram. I put his this is for only for the listeners that really listen. I put his hand on my neck to choke me, because that's what I had been taught that guys liked in the past. And he said, You don't you don't have to do that. You don't have to do that. And that was something that felt so vulnerable. I've never told anyone this. Oh gosh, you're good, aren't you? And it, it was such that felt kind, that felt like I can see this girl's vulnerable woman, she's not, she's obviously going through the motions. She's not, you know, and she doesn't have to do that, and she's safe with me, and I'm not going to take advantage that sort of thing, yeah,

Holly Newson  08:04

To hold you in that space and be like, I'm getting the sense that maybe she's not doing this, because it's what she likes it, right? It's maybe something that has happened before, and it's playing again, right? To notice that is, yeah, really lovely.

Jess Robinson  08:20

I have always been a people pleaser, and I have often gone above and beyond to make people like me, and to the point that I've lost myself. And I did that in other relationships, and perhaps people took advantage of it, or maybe I just was, you know, willing, and just showed up in that naive way. I mean, you've read the book, My God, there are far more. But I guess the nicest thing is that he sees me, and he reminds me that I don't have to do those things, and I can be strong and I can show up as myself. And he boosts me, he's a cheerleader, and that's just and he brings me cups of tea and goes to the post office for me. So it's, it's those, it's

Holly Newson  09:04

that someone supports you being you just to be yourself. Yeah, fully yourself.

Jess Robinson  09:08

Yeah, yeah. It's that.

Holly Newson  09:17

The very quick question is, can you think of a time that someone did something kind for you,

Speaker 1  09:23

it was a friend of mine who I lived with, and I once had, like, a panic attack. I never had one before, so didn't know what it was, and, yeah, they kind of helped call an ambulance and calm me down. And I suppose in situations like that, people's, you know, true kindness kind of comes out.

Holly Newson  09:53

What did it mean to you that they were there for you?

Speaker 1  09:57

Oh, yeah, a lot. Because there. Very confusing. It's in the middle of the night. It happened in my sleep, which is, yeah, I guess not when you'd expect a panic attack to happen, especially if you hadn't had one before. So yeah, it's just when you're in those kind of situations. It's nice to know that people are their feet.

Holly Newson  10:28

So moving on to your second kind act. I want you to set the scene for me. So you're hosting a series of concerts.

Jess Robinson  10:36

Yes, this. So this was really, really, really recent. This was just before Christmas, I was asked to host three concerts for the London Gay Men's Chorus for the Gay Gatsby. It was so joyful, and it was so brilliant to see 202 50 gay men all different walks of life. There were doctors, lawyers, just all, I don't know why I've gone for doctors and lawyers, but like, so different, but you know, but no, you're all different. Like, just so different, different backgrounds, different colors, different religions, different everything. And it was just joyous to see them in their sparkly costumes. And just, were they 1920s kind of, they were a little bit and then it was just sequins of all colors, all they just were gorgeous, such. And they were all extremely warm, kind and sweet and fun. And through writing this book, Life is rosy, I have recently, sort of been delving into my Jewish heritage, and it was, I say, just before Christmas, because that's how I think of it. But it was also Hanukkah, and in between the last two shows, the afternoon show and the evening show, there was a break and they some of the Jewish gay guys, came to me and said, Would you like to come and be with us when we light the Hanukkah candles? And they knew I was Jewish because I'd been plugging the book so much during during the performances, and they were all really interested, and wanted to talk about my grandma and wanted to share their heritage with me. And it was it felt like I felt so touched that they would include me in that way, just like a random guest, person that's come in to host their their concerts. And it was really poignant, actually, because the the theater was listed building, so we couldn't light any candles in there. So we actually had to go out and do it right at the back by the bins. It was it. There are about 20 of them and me, and we sang, and they let me like they were, Will you light the last candle? And it just felt so special, even though I don't really know what the Hebrew means yet. You know, I'm not, I don't know enough, but it was such a warm, inclusive gesture. And it just, I felt very touched by it.

Holly Newson  13:27

So were they singing in Hebrew?

Jess Robinson  13:28

Yes.

Holly Newson  13:29

Oh, wow.

Jess Robinson  13:29

So they sang the they did the prayer in Hebrew, yeah. And then they have these sugary donuts, which we ate, and it was just they were so supportive, so kind, so warm. And then they all bought tickets to come and see my show in London. I just felt, I feel like I've got real affinity to these lovely people.

Holly Newson  13:59

Yeah, and what was it about them saying, Do you want to come and light these candles with us? Do you want to be part of what we're doing that felt, that felt so poignant? Why did it mean a lot?

Jess Robinson  14:11

I guess because it's my heritage, is something that I'm discovering, that it's a very tricky time in the current climate for Jewish people, because many, many people think that if you're Jewish, then you support Israel and everything that's going on there. And and it feels very It feels, it feels scary at the moment to be Jewish, and the wrong time, really, to for me to be going, I'm Jewish, it feels so I guess that's in the background. And also, I guess I felt like they're this big chorus. They all know each other, and I'm just you know in so I don't know everything and everyone. And I. Well, it was a very lovely, inclusive gesture, and it made me feel all warm inside, and it made me feel kind of safe and, and I don't know why, I didn't think that, you know, gay guys would also be Jewish. I seem to have gone, oh, that, you know, it just came unexpectedly. It's such a stupid thing, such a stupid thing. Yeah, it was just all surprising and very nice. It's very touching to be included, because I just feel like, oh, just me being an idiot on stage, you know, hosting this concert, doing a few songs, plugging my book and my show and and they're really Yeah, it was just felt very, just felt really kind a really lovely thing to do,

Holly Newson  15:52

yeah, and to be almost like initiated into that kind of, that group, that collective, as an honorary member, is so nice

Jess Robinson  16:02

and very somehow healing, in a way, to be around so many people who identify as male, who aren't in any way predatory and fully admitted, some of them that the only thing They would really want to do is steal my dresses. But I really loved that. I loved just getting to know these brilliant humans. They were just gorgeous.

Holly Newson  16:31

Yeah, yeah, completely, yeah. And what you said about, you know, shouting about being Jewish in this particular social climate. Do you think that made a difference to kind of, I guess, almost like the, maybe the worry associated with that, versus the kind of community associated with the it was a we, we've got you

Jess Robinson  16:56

Yeah, welcome here, you know, yeah. And I think it was also the fact that it it felt very safe to do that, to light the candles. It felt safe in among, in that space with all of these brilliant guys around every I think that's what I liked about the whole experience, or that just them as a group was just anything goes, everything seems to be accepted. They all treated each other, as far as I saw, with respect and warmth and fun and joy, and that's what, that's very much, what I took from it. So there was no I just did. I don't know what I expected. Did I expect anti semitism? Did I expect? I don't know what I expect. No, I don't think I did, but it was just so embracing of everybody can do whatever they want to do. Yeah, you know that that's just felt really, really brilliant.

Holly Newson  17:51

And I like, from my own experience, I feel like it can, you can worry about anti semitism, but then you can also worry about, like, not being Jewish enough, in terms of, like, depending on, depending on where you're talking to or where you're

Jess Robinson  18:03

absolutely, I've been told I'm not Jewish enough many times.

Holly Newson  18:07

So it's almost like, oh, no, you're too Jewish here. You're not Jewish enough here. So to be, to be like, Oh, it doesn't matter.

Jess Robinson  18:13

It doesn't matter. Yes, you're included. Everyone's included here. Yeah? Really lovely, really nice. Yeah, yeah. It.

Holly Newson  18:26

So the question is, can you think of a time someone did something kind for you? Could be big or tiny,

Speaker 1  18:33

say, just, you know, I suppose, even passing someone on the street, just saying, Hello, you know, being kind that way, just little, little things, really. They don't have to be massive, kind of, you know, acts of kindness, but just small, small acts of kindness, I guess, quite nice. I think, yeah, you get back what you give. So I guess that's a good way to live. You know, I

Holly Newson  19:08

Your third story of kindness. So this is related to your first ever Edinburgh Fringe solo show, yes, so talk to me about the planning of that show. What was it like to plan your first ever solo show?

Jess Robinson  19:24

It was terrifying, actually. Not only do you have to write the show and come up with an hour, but you have to find a space to put it on, and that costs quite a lot. And then, as well as finding the space to put this this show on, which would be for the whole month of August in Edinburgh, you also have to get a PR person, which I didn't know where to start. I didn't even really know that that was a thing. You have to get your posters designed, your flyers designed. You have to get people to hand out the flyers. You have to and I didn't have a producer. I. Didn't myself, so I didn't really know what I was doing. My friend Kirsty, who was playing the piano for me and my show was sort of, she'd been to Edinburgh a lot before, and was sort of giving me hints and tips and telling telling me what I should do. So I've got hiccups, and so I was just sort of following her advice. But it, it turns out, and this is the cheapest show I've ever done, and you had to pay for a director as well. Turns out that the cheapest show I've ever done cost me 10,000 pounds. And luckily, I could stay with my cousins, who have had they're very kind as well. Actually, I've had numerous edinburghs Where since, where I stay with my cousins in Edinburgh, thank goodness, because accommodation can cost between three and 4000 pounds, and it's crazy. So I didn't know how I would do it. How would I ever get my my solo show to Edinburgh and my sister Jo, Jo, who's a step sister, amazingly, offered to lend me 10,000 pounds, so I was able to do that. And at the time of this she This was her savings. She was living in sheltered accommodation because she's got Huntington's, which is like a lovely cocktail of motor neurone disease and Parkinson's, and it's not curable. It's a hereditary thing she got from her dad and and I, I, I couldn't believe she was offering me that and the chance to take my show to Edinburgh. So I always used to joke and say she was my producer, and she blessed her. She's, you know, going downhill now, and she's very, very ill, but this was about 10 years ago, and if it hadn't been for her, I wouldn't have taken my first show to Edinburgh. I certainly you know that led into me doing nearly eight or nine, and it was such a huge gesture to do that from somebody who's in quite a vulnerable position. I mean, my mum thought it was wonderful, and was also, you better pay her back, you know, and I did, but you know, it that was a huge, a huge leap of faith to do something for me, because she loves me, and because she wanted me to be able to do my show and sing For lots of people, and she enjoyed my shows. So yeah, yeah.

Holly Newson  22:45

And how did you feel about taking that money? Obviously, again, she was lending it to you, but at the time, not knowing exactly when you'd be able to pay it back.

Jess Robinson  22:53

No, that was also the only ever Edinburgh show where I've broken even, actually. So luckily, I could pay but I felt very guilty. Actually, I felt, I felt a bit sick and a bit weird, and also very grateful, and if she she was very insistent, and so I just did, and just thought, well, I'll do whatever I possibly can to pay her back. Yeah, but yeah, she she actually is an extremely kind girl. She's lived in the sheltered accommodation where mostly it was old people, and she would go and play the piano for them every day and just be so she's very, very sweet girl.

Holly Newson  23:42

What did it feel like to have that level of belief from her that like you're gonna succeed so so take it honestly.

Jess Robinson  23:55

I couldn't I couldn't believe it. I felt like I was somehow taking advantage of her and her kindness and her, you know, because she has been taking an advantage of and so it felt wonderful to have that belief. And also, am I a bad person? And also, I've just got to get that, that money back to her, but, but she has always been so sweet, so supportive. My biggest regret is being such a little shit when she used to babysit me. I wish I could take that back now. I really do.

Holly Newson  24:37

Oh, none of us can take back being horrible to babysitters

Jess Robinson  24:42

I was such a little dickhead on purpose.

Holly Newson  24:46

And that Edinburgh show you said that you broke even, yes. So how did the run go? What was it like to do that?

Jess Robinson  24:52

It was amazing, actually, because I was so clueless about what a normal Edinburgh. Be, I didn't realize that it was mad to have booked myself into a room which seated 140 for first ever. I didn't know the Pleasants and they, they, you know, I had people saying to me like real proper comedians that had, you know, done Edinburgh loads. Oh my What? No, you're supposed to do like a 20 seater. First of all, you're not supposed to, oh my gosh. I so I didn't know, and because I didn't know, I didn't have that, that worry. I was worried about the posters. I was worried about whether I'd be able to stick stars on things quick enough, I was worried about reviewers, but I got nice reviews, and I sold well enough to had some nights that were sold out, which was bonkers.

Holly Newson  25:55

I think the right amount of naivety is like paramount to success. Sometimes I think so. I think too much, but the right amount, yeah, yes.

Jess Robinson  26:07

And I am definitely a naive person, for sure, as you will have read, yeah, yeah. So it went. It went well, yeah, I couldn't believe it. And my main takeaway was I had this little diary that I had written him when I was there. And the main sort of looking back over Edinburgh was I should wear my red jacket more. I should take more trainers and maybe a few more jumpers. That was, that was my takeaway from the whole experience. So stupid.

Holly Newson  26:42

I think that's amazing. You just took it for what it was, and, you know, next year, you just need to wrap up a bit more close options. So stupid. I love it. I'm talking of diary entries. I do want to talk about the book a little bit more. So in there you go through and with your family, yeah, and translate the diary entries from your Jewish German grandma during the Second World War. Yeah. So when you were going through those, I wondered, as you know, the translation started to come through, was there a particular kind thing that your grandma did that really stood out to you as you read those

Jess Robinson  27:22

Yes, so my so my grandma was working and living in Esslingen in Germany in 1938 she was 23 years old, and she'd been born and raised there. But there's a part of the Holocaust that lots of people don't know about that wasn't taught at school, really, which is the pollen action, which was sort of Hitler's dress rehearsal. And he got all of the Polish Jews out of Germany before the war started, before, before the holly course started. And so my grandma was working and living in this orphanage in Esslingen, looking after the little children. And actually, the first thing was when she was arrested by the Gestapo, sort of late, late at night, she and three little boys were taken to the police station. And the first thing that she did, which I think was massively kind, was just to pretend it was a big adventure and to be smiley and and sort of entertain them and make them think this was an exciting event, you know, an exciting, unusual event. You know, not a really scary thing being ripped from your home. The other thing was, though, when she was taken to this internment camp in Poland with all of the other Polish Jews that had been expelled from Germany, she, instead of wallowing, made herself so useful by going and finding the children and washing them and just taking it upon herself to find them the right clothes and to read them stories and you know. And there was a moment on the platform, actually, between Germany and Poland, they'd stopped, and all of these children were all looking lost and bewildered, and my grandma, this 23 year old, who must have got, I think about myself when I was 23 what a little mess. And Grandma was reading them stories and making them feel comforted and and it was all about the children for her. So when she was in sponsion in Poland, she was so brilliant with the kids that she was asked to help in this sort of school in this gymnasium that they had set up, and then was chosen to accompany the children over on the last Kinder transport boat. And I think if it hadn't have been. In for her kindness. She would have died in a concentration camp, you know, it saved her, yeah, which is, yeah, mad. Really, it

Holly Newson  30:12

never would have been, you know, from the diary entries, it's, you know, she's doing it because that's what, what she feels is, right? It's what she feels she can do,

Jess Robinson  30:20

yeah, she's not doing it to be kind actually, I think she's just doing it because it's her way of keeping going, Yeah.

Holly Newson  30:27

But yeah, the book is so so beautiful and also so funny, just the right mix of, like, family connection, history, you know, and bum jokes, yeah? And I'm obsessed with your Whatsapp group, the cool bitches. Oh, like, I'm also really jealous, but mainly obsessed.

Jess Robinson  30:49

I have to start a special cool bitches Whatsapp group that you know everybody can join.

Holly Newson  30:54

Yes, please do it. I want it to be a thing. Okay.

Jess Robinson  30:59

There are different channels on WhatsApp. I'll start a cool bitch's channel. Okay, I'm there gonna be you and me, but that's fine.

Holly Newson  31:07

And to close, I wondered, what is the kindest thing you have ever done for yourself?

Jess Robinson  31:12

Oh, leaving my first husband, I think, is getting out of that horrible relationship. That's that's the kindest thing that I've done just just we were on this make or break holiday, and I finally realized it wasn't right, and I flew home, yeah, and my dad picked me up from the airport, and we started the ball rolling. Thank goodness it's that. It was get getting out of toxic relationships and and maybe just as a on the whole sort of now, now I'm in my 40s, the kindest thing that I'm doing is, is making sure that I am not having sort of toxic friendships and toxic relationships that that leave me feeling like somebody's being nasty or draining or, you know, just surrounding yourself with the right people, I think is so important, even if that's only five, yeah, you know, I think, I think that, and Getting my dog, that was very kind thing to do, actually, after my dad died, and he just brings me so much joy.

Holly Newson  32:27

You named your dog Brian? Brian after your dad,

Jess Robinson  32:31

yeah, mainly because when he goes to stay with my mum and she goes, Brian, stop pushing in the flower bed, the neighbors think, Oh, poor Jackie. She's still not over it poor. She's still grieving her husband. She's going mad with grief. So that's always fun.

Holly Newson  32:47

That's like the most beautiful tribute. I enjoy it. Yeah, it's really good. Well. Jess, thank you so much. This has been such a delightful chat.

Jess Robinson  32:57

I've loved it. Thanks.

Music  32:59

Hey. Hold on. I'll stay here till it goes.

Holly Newson  33:09

Thank you so much for listening. You being here and your support means so much to me. Jess stories made me realize how much it can mean when people validate who we are and all parts of our identity. This episode is dedicated to anyone who was more generous than they needed to be, so maybe share the episode with one of those people in your life or someone else who might enjoy it. I would also love to hear a story from you about a time someone was kind to you. So send a voice note in at kind podcast.com, or email me Holly at kind podcast.com and I will feature some of the stories on the show. If you like the show, hit, subscribe, hit, follow, give it a rating or review. It helps me a lot. It was great to spend time with them. Speak soon. You

Music  34:09

hang dream on and let your heart unfold.